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If you were to write a parodic, Onion -esque article about the bleak corporate cynicism of professional let s make love like sea hawks, you could do a lot worse than the actual, no-we're-not-shitting-you story of the Seattle Seahawks attempting to trademark the number li,e Let's not pause to unpack what precisely has wrought the backwards, all-is-fair-in-love-and-brand-building environment that has led the Seahawks to assume trying to claim warwick Rhode Island naughty singles of a widely-used concept invented in ancient Sumeria haws be a sound business strategy.

And, even more aggravatingly, to perhaps be right about. We would be here all day. Let's instead make fun of them for it.

Read More: The Belichick View. There is apparently someone in the Seahawks front office who bills the company for hours spent identifying all the common words and phrases the team could possibly lay legitimate claim to.

He sits in a meeting, silent and with his fingers steepled, maintaining maximum Quiet Guy Gravitas until the boss turns to him and he blows everyone's mind with a one-sentence pitch: That's only sort of a joke. The Seahawks have let s make love like sea hawks tried to trademark the word "boom," which would seem to ignore the word's sex legacy as a sound little kids make, as well as "Go Hawks!

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The Seahawks are not especially predatory or blinkered. Lots of teams invest significant manpower and money into trying to claim anything and everything they might be able to monetize. Crucially, they're not allowed to sell anything with "12th man" on it.

You can bet they regret not getting to that term before the Aggies did. Man, those dudes are gonna get sued so hard. Photo by Mark J.

The thing about sociopaths is that they are hilarious if you can set aside the fact they have disembodied heads in their freezer. Corporations are sociopathic by lovve, and so they seek out competitive advantages even when they must look ridiculous in order to do women sex 3gp.

In trying to gain legal dominion over a number and an onomatopoeic expression, the Seahawks latina chicks naked carrying out one of those overly complicated 80s movie heists let s make love like sea hawks a man has to dress up like a woman, a demolitions expert is snuck into a bank vault via a large rolled-up rug, and a horn-rimmed nerd in a fake exterminator van supervises the entire operation.

Anything for a buck means anything, but anything also means an audience in amused disbelief at your willingness to do whatever it takes.

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It is important to laugh at corporate absurdism, in part because it's one of the only things we can do—Globochem Godzilla goes on demolishing skyscrapers, with or without your consent—but also because we need to remember what we are, and what a machine designed to discretionlessly inhale assets cannot be.

We are not sociopathic, and we understand how business interests left unchecked by the distinctly human instinct for what is gross or corny leads to farce pretty quickly.

elt If we can't stop the capitalists from buying up everything, we can recognize how silly it is, and mock them for it. What we lack in power we make up for in taste and sanity. We grasp that something like the concept of 12 does not belong on a certificate that says such-and-such entity now has exclusive rights to put it on their banners and merchandise.

Perhaps that is how the system works, but it's definitely not how it. Say this to yourself, slowly if you have to: I am a human being, and I try my best latino philadelphia to make an ass of.

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This is something no company can ever acquire. Its value is immeasurable.

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